I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I love you. Go after that dick
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
