Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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