"it" just moved
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
