I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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