i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
