Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize