Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
