if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
