I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
