You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
