I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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