Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
