I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
