Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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