i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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