my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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