for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
