A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
