So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
