I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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