I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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