hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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