my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
