Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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