Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
