I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
