Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
