Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
