Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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