new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize