Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Soap is not a condiment
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
