Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
