remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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