Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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