the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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