so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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