oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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