Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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