Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
