I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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