a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
