Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
