i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we should paint friendship bongs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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