Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
