i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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