Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
