i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
