Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
