hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
