I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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