HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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