We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize