you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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