who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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