I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize