Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
