don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
