You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
