I think i peed on brittanys purse
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
