end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
