New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
