my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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