i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
