I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
