if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
