Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
