Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can't special order awesome
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dignity is for republicans.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
