I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Someone signed my nipple.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
