You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
