let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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