I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
