all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
