Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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