im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
