All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
