do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize