Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
