The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
