Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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