i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
