This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
