question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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