Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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