So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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