Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
