I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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