found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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