Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
